Happy New Year

Boy, you can say that again!!

I can't wait for 2014!

2013 has been the craziest out of my 33 years on this earth. I am looking forward to putting this year behind me!!

Although there were some bright times in 2013 like January 17th (Lilly's birth), July 12th (10 year anniversary) & November 1st (Day I started my new career)...2013 has been one dark cloud that refused to leave my side.

A dark cloud of stress, depression, anger, resentment, low self-esteem, bitterness...and the list can go on and on and on!!!

Normally when you reflect on the past year, you feel a sense of accomplishment. Sometimes you don't want the year to end...because it has been a year of fond memories.

When I reflect...I don't have memories, I have nightmares!!

So many things were said to me and about me that had me questioning my worth...

In God's eyes,

My family's eyes,

My friend's eyes,

My leader's eye...

In my own eyes!

In 2013 I hit a low that I never foresaw. A low filled with raw anger. A low filled with unmeasurable depression. A low that was so low I really thought about ending it all (wasn't a long thought...but nonetheless, a thought).

Through this "process" which I am still in the midst of...out of all the chapters in the Bible, I held onto one in particular.

Psalms 23.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely Your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Now I understand that I can't "make" Psalms 23 all about what I have gone through this year, and use it out of context. But I can take what David says in Psalms 23 and apply it to my life when it absolutely sucks!!

I can remind myself that God is my Shepherd, He is the one who leads and takes cares of me. Not a pastor, not my employer, not a position or title!

I can have peace in the fact that God leads me beside quiet waters and He refreshes my soul...not how many twitter followers I have or the dollars in my bank account!!

I can know that God is with me, even when thoughts of ending my life creep in my head...even when I walk through the darkest valley in my 33 years of life...I don't have to fear any evil, because the one who made the heavens and stars and mountains and chocolate...He. Is. With. Me!!

I can know that when I mess up and continue to sin, God's rod and staff of discipline and love they comfort me.

I can know that I have certain God-given gifts and certain God-given callings on my life, and even though I might not be operating in them full time right now, I can rest assured that God is preparing a table before me, in the presence of those who think other wise. That God has anointed my head with the oil of His calling...a calling that He hasn't taken away...and my cup overflows in that calling, even though I don't see it yet!!!

And I can hold onto the truth that God's goodness and love will follow me ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE and I will in fact dwell in the house of the Lord forever! And how do I know this, because He is with me...so I don't need to fear!

I don't need to fear what others say about me,

I don't need to fear whether or not I failed as a pastor

I don't need to fear how God views or thinks about me.

If 2013 was nothing but a blessing for you, I pray that your blessings increase in 2014.

But if 2013 was for you like it was for me...or perhaps worse, I pray that Psalms 23 can be for you what it was for me. My prayer is that you don't give up...you fight against the lies and evil thoughts that don't come from God but from the evil one, satan!

So yes, Happy New Year and God bless you, your family, and your dreams!!

How are you doing?

I get asked that a lot!

So let me paint this picture for you...

For the last 5 months I haven't read a book.

Haven't picked up my Bible.

Haven't really prayed.

Haven't done much of anything...except let my circumstances drain my life!

In a way, you can say I lost my way!

But thankfully, my relationship with God is built on Him, not my circumstance,

Not what house I live in,

Not who signs my paychecks...

But on Jesus!

Even though I may have lost my way, God never lost sight of me!

So, back to this question, a question that I have hated...no abhorred, for the last year!!

How are you doing?

If you know me well enough, you know why I abhor this question, so I won't go into that. Matter of fact I think I talked about it in one of my recent blogs. But just today I read this question in a book that I am working through called "To Live is Christ, to Die is Gain", by Matt Chandler. He poses this question at the end of chapter 2, which is fittingly titled "The Worthy Life".

But first, here is a snipit of chapter 2:

"To live is Christ, to die is gain. Christ is all. Looking at it that way, the implication becomes simple. Not easy. But simple. If a mature Christian life, or a life worthy of the gospel of Jesus Christ, is a life where you are living deeply with others, regardless of external differences, if you strive for a deeper faith and grow in your faith together, pressing into Christ together, chasing Him together, and if it is fearlessness in faith...how are you doing"?

So that is the context for Matt Chandler asking the question...here are his thoughts after asking the question:

"Are you living a life worthy of the gospel of Jesus Christ? Have you found Christ worth living for, worth dying for, worth casting all away for His sake? Examine your own heart. Do you just hang out with people who are like you? Are you timid and fearful when it comes to any opposition to your faith? In the end, are you growing in God, or are you stagnant and cold? Remember, we are talking about what it looks like to be maturing in Christ".

Normally our response to the question "how are you doing" is along the lines of "I'm good". But how different would our answer be if we were looking through the lens of Matt Chandler's thoughts?

Would we still be good?

Do we/are we living in a way that shows what we believe is of supreme worth?

If we are honest with ourselves...have we grown closer to God?

Have we died to stuff like greed and hate and disobedience and let God replace all that junk with his life?

And if I am honest with myself...and we look at that picture that I painted for you in the beginning of all of these confusing thoughts...then I would have to say that am I pretty stagnant right now.

Maybe that is why I abhor the question so much. Because it forces me to examine my heart and see that I have been bathing in the same bath water for 5 STINKING MONTHS!!!!

Maybe I have been asked that question a lot lately because God sees where I am (it's getting better, but I'm still not in a good place)...but He also sees me for who he created me to be...

and where I will be when he heals me?? 

So...

I ask you the same question.

How are you doing?  

But this time, answer it honestly and reflect on Matt Chandler's thoughts...then read the book of Phillipians...it's only 4 chapters!! 

Don't take it personally...

Does anyone else struggle with this phrase, or am I the only one?

What do I mean?

When something happens unexpectantly,

When someone makes a decision that you didn't necessarily see coming,

When you get left out of the conversation,

When your best friend visits and there were no plans for them to catch up with you!

Don't take it personally...

Yeah right!!

Of course I'm going to take it personally!

But why?

Am I some needy person who has to be included in anything and everything?

Do I need to know the latest news about all my friends?

Does what I think matter so much that when a decision is made, if I wasn't a part of it I get offended...even though it's none of my business!

So, why does the phrase "don't take it personally" tick me off?!

I have asked this question several times since last December.

Do I have answers? I would like to think I do, but in reality all I have are empty answers...and answers that I don't like.

I know why I take things personally...I want to be included,

I want to be wanted,

I want my ideas to matter to someone and something,

I want to feel like I am accepted by my family, friends, employer, co-workers...

I want to be loved, cared for, and discipled!!

IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?!?!?!?!

Yes, I know I should find all of the above in God,

I've taught it to students,

I've studied the bible verses,

I've read the books,

And I've have several conversations about this one thing...

So why do I still struggle with taking things personally?

Am I too loyal to people?

Do I easily give my heart away?

Am I too friendly?

Is my kindness mistaken for weakness?

Right when I was at the point of giving up...I read this,

Inward peace comes with absolute surrender to the will of God. You need to come to a simple calmness of spirit which comes from giving up everything to God and having patience with your neighbor. Learn to accept counsel with humility and straightforwardness. This will help you grow closer to God. The reason you feel so agitated is that you do not accept everything that happens to you with complete trust in God. Put everything in His hand, and offer yourself to Him as a sacrifice. The moment you stop wanting things to be your way, you will be free from so much worry and concern. You won't have to hide anything or make up excuses for anything. Until you reach this point of surrender, your life will be full of trouble and aggravation. Your talents will torment you. Your religious ideals will condemn you. So give your heart wholly to God and you will find peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

Well, I got nothing!!

I guess I will continue to let my heart be refined by the one who created things like the planets, mountains, and coffee!!

What about you?

Who Cares?

Have you said this lately?

Whether out of anger, disappointment, or hurt...you said it.

Ever stop and actually think about that question/statement?

I have!!

So, let me ask another question...if someone does care, how do you know it?

Because they like your status on Facebook?

Like your photo on instagram?

They throw some money at you...what I mean is, they buy your love.

To know "who cares" we have to first know what the word care means as a noun and a verb.

noun

1. worry

2. caution

3. serious attention

4. protection

- verb (used without object) cared caring

5. to be concerned

6. to make provision

- verb (used with object) cared caring

7. to feel concern about

So let's ask the question again. Who cares, and how do we know it?

Because care as a noun means nothing without the verb. I can say that I care about my wife and kids, but without the verb, the action, the application...it is meaningless!

I saw a news story on the World News (which I normally don't watch) which was the exact definition of care...as a noun and a verb.

It was a story about a man and woman who have been married for over 50 years. The wife desperately needed a kidney to continue to live and the husband felt useless. But, because he loved and CARED for his wife, he had signs made and walked around his town wearing these signs that said "Kidney 4 wife", with his phone number listed. Long story short, a donor saw the sign, called and donated a kidney.

Awesome, moving, inspiring story about a man who CARED for his wife.

You might be saying "ok, what's the point...or how does this apply to me"?

And that's my point.

We care...about ourselves...and we expect God to just care about what we care about!

I am guilty of this.

*Disclaimer...it's about to get real, if you're not comfortable with honesty stop reading here*

No God, I care about my house, why should I sell it? I thought you cared...why are you telling me to sell it?

Or,

I thought I was called to be a youth pastor, why am I not doing what you called me to do, I thought you CARED God?

Or,

I feel like a failure, God why haven't you come to rescue me...DON'T YOU CARE??

Damn what he's trying to teach us,

Damn where he's trying to guide us,

To hell with where he is leading US!!

 If things don't go our way, we don't care anymore.

Could it be possible that in the middle of our turmoil and pain and frustrations and anxiety...

That God may be changing what we care about?

Back to the news story.

If the husband was only concerned about himself, would he have swallowed his pride and been a walking billboard to save his wife's life?

I'm pretty sure what he cared about when he first got married (honeymoon and sex) changed to partnership and self sacrifice and compromise.

I know I find myself saying...

I care about my family,

I care about my future,

I care about my relationship with God.

But is there application? Does the word care change from a noun to a verb?

So what about you?

What do you care about...and how do you or other people know?

Do you care about money and work and everyone knows it...but when it comes to caring for your wife and kids...there is no action? By the way I suck at this one!!!

Do you care about football so much that when your team loses, look out, you turn into Mr. Grumpy pants? I still suck at this too!!

Do you care about what Jesus did on the cross, but you don't apply it...you don't act on it? And yes, I still suck at this one too!!

So the next time you blurt out "who cares" out of frustration or anger or disappointment...remember, God does!

And this is nothing cliché, there are 66 books that display and showcase how much God cares about you, yes you reading this. Now let this knowledge change your meaning of the word care from a noun to a verb.

So God, we know in our heads you care for us, but let us feel it in our hearts, in our bones!! And let that care transform our meaning of the word care into action! 

Grace AND Mercy

It seems like you can’t talk about one without including the other.

It’s like peanut butter AND jelly,

Red beans AND rice, (for us New Orleans peeps)

Ham AND burger!!

But is one more important that the other?

Is peanut butter more important than the jelly?

Is the rice greater than the red beans?

Can one have a burger without the ham…?

Can you experience/express mercy without the grace?

Grace defined:

Is the free and unmerited favor of God as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowing of blessings. It is God's gift of salvation granted to sinners for their salvation.

Mercy defined:

Compassion or forbearance shown especially to an offender or to one subject to one's power; also : lenient or compassionate treatment.

All I know is I need both!

What about you?

I can’t survive without either! It’s because of God’s grace that I even have a relationship with Him, and it’s His mercy…His kindness and patience with me…that I am even able to live day by day.

It was through a teaching series, which I had the pleasure of being able to listen to, that I began to think about grace and mercy.

This teaching series was about the parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15: 11-32).

Before this teaching series I was inspired by how the “prodigal son” came to his senses and went back home to beg for mercy from his father…prepared for whatever judgment his father was willing to hand down. And this is as far as I took the parable.

But what I lacked to realize was this is a beautiful picture of God. Sometimes we are the prodigal son, but most times we are the older brother who looks down at his younger brother in disbelief that the father would accept him back into the house after squandering his part of the inheritance.

So, instead of this being a long blog about how much this parable being broken down in this teaching series impacted me, let it be a time of challenge and reflection for you…

If you shall!

Are you able to show grace AND mercy to those whom do you wrong, come at you sideways, lie and bash your good name?

Are you able to show grace AND mercy to someone who may have walked out of your life…wishing you were dead…but came back?

Are you able to receive grace AND mercy from God who welcomes us back into the family…

Puts a robe and ring on us…

Calls for everyone in the village to come and have a party…

Even after we say “No God, I got this, I know what I am doing…I deserve this…I need this” and before we know it we are eating out of the pig trough!

I am relearning how to receive and show grace AND mercy, even when I feel like I am the filthiest thing walking the earth!

Even when life feels like a tug of war!

Daddy God, I pray that you continue to lavish grace AND mercy upon us, not because we deserve it, not because we have made it to the next “level” of some religion…but because the blood of your precious son Jesus washes away all our sins (seen and unseen) and you welcome us back into the house, back into the family after every time we tell you we don’t need you. Thank you for your grace AND mercy, for your kindness and patience!  

Everyone will know…

There are more than 31,000 verses in the bible…31,173 to be exact! Now that is a lot of guidance, direction, and instruction. But lately I can’t get 2 out of the 31,173 out of my head.

John 13: 34-35 (NIV)…

³⁴ “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. ³⁵ By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Why has this been on my mind lately? I’m not sure!

Maybe it’s all the violence and hate that bombards me as soon as I turn on the TV!

Maybe it’s all of these court trails that are being paraded around as “justice”.

Maybe it’s the current stage of life I find myself in!

But whatever it is, I can’t move past these words that Jesus gave his disciples!

When does Jesus tell his disciples this? Right after a worship night? Right after an awesome beach retreat? Right after getting a raise?  

Nope!

He tells his disciples this right after he washing their feet, shares in his last Passover meal with them, tells them that he will be leaving them, reveals one of the disciples will betray him, and right before he lets Peter know he will deny knowing Jesus 3 times!!!!!

It’s easy to love when life it great…huh?

It’s easy to love when you get everything you want for Christmas or your birthday!

It’s easy to love when your parents aren’t yelling at you or grounding you!

It’s easy to love right after you nail that presentation and everyone is high fiving you!

But what about when the bottom falls out from underneath you? Will it be easy to love then?

Jesus says that everyone will know you are MY disciples if you love one another.

Can your friends tell that you are one of Jesus’ disciples…holy and set apart…by the way you love? Maybe you know the answer to the question already…but I CHALLENGE you to think about this.

I’m not talking about throwing your money around and “buying” love!

I’m not talking about throwing your authority around and forcing love!

I’m not talking about throwing your social status around and intimidating love!

I’m talking about the love of our Father in heaven who gave his one and only son, so that WE may experience life!!

Sacrificial,

Serving,

Humble,

Graceful,

Merciful,

Genuine love!

Maybe this is why I can’t get those 2 verses out of my head, because my brain can’t fathom how great and good and just God’s love is.

Maybe it’s because I long to be able to love people…not just my wife, kids, mom, dad, brother…but the dude who stole my parking spot today at Home Depot,

That guy who almost ran me off the road when he cut in front of me the other day,

The girl who broke my heart back in 7^th grade…

But you know what? I don’t have to “figure out” God’s love…because I’ll make it very easy for you…YOU NEVER WILL!!

But maybe…just maybe…when we stop beginning sentences with “me, mine, and I”, we can start putting people first,

Maybe…just maybe…when we stop trying to consume and use people for everything that they are worth for our own “personal gain”, and start treating people as other disciples of Jesus,

Maybe…just maybe…when we ask “how are you”, you are willing, prepared, and able to stop and be patient for when that person “spiritually vomits” on you and unloads all of their crap on you…instead of asking that question out of obligation,

Maybe we will start loving each other, so that everyone will know that we are Jesus’ disciples!!!

Just saying!

Now go, and show the world that you are HIS disciple!!!  

Bittersweet

What does that word mean to you? For real...stop and think about what the word bittersweet means to you.

This is a word that I have trouble defining. It makes no sense to me. How can something be bitter but yet sweet at the same time?

So I had to break down the word to help me understand it. What does bitter mean?
Strong and sharp in taste: having a sharp strong unpleasant taste such as the taste of orange peel; resentful: angry and resentful difficult to accept: mentally painful, or very hard to accept.

Ever tasted anything that was bitter? What was your immediate reaction? To spit that junk out...right?

Ever been bitter about a situation...towards a certain somebody?

Ever had something happen to you that was hard to accept?

If you experienced any of the aforementioned things, you have experienced bitter.
So what about sweet, what does it mean?

Having the taste or flavor characteristic of sugar, honey, etc.; producing the one of the four basic taste sensations that is not bitter, sour, or salt; not rancid or stale; fresh: not salt or salted; pleasing to the ear; making a delicate, pleasant, or agreeable sound; musical.
So bittersweet is something that is sharp in taste or a feeling of being angry, resentful, difficult to accept...but at the same time it is delicate, pleasant to the ear, taste like honey or sugar?

What in the world!?

So let's bring this to reality!

What would be an example of bittersweet?

Finally getting that tooth pulled...hate the pain and the trip to the dentist, but love the fact that it will soon be taken care of?

Practicing an instrument for what seems like months in a row...non-stop, only to knock it out of the park at a performance or a review?

Let's dig deeper!

Finally giving up smoking, knowing the cravings are going to be intense, but sticking with it because you know in the long run it is worth it.

Giving up drinking Cokes or coffee because your body had become dependent on the caffiene.

Let's get personal!!!

Watching the people you have been training rise up and begin to take the ball and run with it, even though you may not be around to see them score the touchdown!!

Watching the people you have been mentoring get excited about ideas they have been having and implementing those ideas, and you get excited, even though you won't be there to guide them or walk them through it!!

Watching a group of people you love dearly get excited about change...and that change is directly related to you!!!

That is what the last week has been for me...bittersweet!

Bitter because somethings right now are hard and difficult to accept, sweet because the sound I am hearing is pleasing to the ear and watching leaders lead...is more satisfying than chocolate, and if you know me well enough you know I love the taste of chocolate!!!

So, what is bittersweet in your life right now?

What's bitter about it?

What's sweet?

And more importantly, where's God in the middle of this bittersweet moment?

Even though my mind tells me God is in another galaxy,

My heart tells me he is with me,

Right next to me,

Everyday!

So God, you see the bitterness, you know the taste it has, because I have expressed it to you a lot lately. But take what is bitter, and remove it from my heart...so that the only thing that remains is your presence and spirit which is very much sweet, very much pleasing to the ear.

Brokenness

Not a favorite word in my vocabulary...what about yours? I mean who the heck wants something that is broken?

Broken phone w/ a broken screen...uuhhh, nah!

Broken stereo that doesn't play any music...I'll pass!

Broken car that will cost hundreds to repair...I can pedal a bike...oh that's broken too...uhh yeah!!

Why is it humanity and more specifically western civilization looks at the word broken and immediately feels like they were kicked in the mid section?

Why is it when we hear the word brokenness and we immediately think useless...weak?

We equate brokenness with negativity...something that is unuseable (if that's even a word)!

But when it comes to God, that is exactly what He is looking for...brokenness. And if we are to be broken, why are there so few that are broken? 

Here is a piece in the book "Tale of 3 Kings" that I have recently re-read...and this piece has been on my mind and I have been thinking about it for about a month now...

God has a university. It's a small school. Few enroll; even fewer graduate. Very, very few indeed. God has this school because he does not have broken men and women. Instead, he has several other types of people. He has people who claim to have God's authority...and don't, and people who claim to be broken...and aren't. And people who do have God's authority, but who are mad and unbroken.

So, question is...have I allowed God to break me? Do I think I am already broken? Have I been broken, not by God, but by circumstances and spears that have pierced me? If I am broken, am I mad?

When a flower pot is broken, I don't think it walks around and brags about it, so I ask myself, do I boast (in a humble way...?) do I boast to myself that I am broken? Do I let other people know that I am broken?

You don't have to convince people that you're broken, they can tell on their own. And I'm not talking about walking around looking like you lost your life long companion...like the Saints just lost the superbowl...like LSU bombed in the National Championship game...oh wait, that happened...anyway, you get my drift.

I'm talking about humbly walking around (all the while broken) still having a heart that is pure before God...glorifying God everyday, all day.

When you can find out how to do this, let me know.

I have enrolled in the University of Brokenness several times...and just like Gene Edwards puts it in Tale of 3 Kings, I have dropped out, several times!

I'm just glad that God never gives up on me...and continues to chip away at my cold, defensive, sin ridden heart.

So, Lord, may I be broken...not mad and broken, not broken and bragging, not broken and bitter, but broken by your Spirit...not by circumstances, because when I am broken by You, there is always redemption, there is always healing, there is always growth, there is love!

Amen.