Happy New Year

Boy, you can say that again!!

I can't wait for 2014!

2013 has been the craziest out of my 33 years on this earth. I am looking forward to putting this year behind me!!

Although there were some bright times in 2013 like January 17th (Lilly's birth), July 12th (10 year anniversary) & November 1st (Day I started my new career)...2013 has been one dark cloud that refused to leave my side.

A dark cloud of stress, depression, anger, resentment, low self-esteem, bitterness...and the list can go on and on and on!!!

Normally when you reflect on the past year, you feel a sense of accomplishment. Sometimes you don't want the year to end...because it has been a year of fond memories.

When I reflect...I don't have memories, I have nightmares!!

So many things were said to me and about me that had me questioning my worth...

In God's eyes,

My family's eyes,

My friend's eyes,

My leader's eye...

In my own eyes!

In 2013 I hit a low that I never foresaw. A low filled with raw anger. A low filled with unmeasurable depression. A low that was so low I really thought about ending it all (wasn't a long thought...but nonetheless, a thought).

Through this "process" which I am still in the midst of...out of all the chapters in the Bible, I held onto one in particular.

Psalms 23.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely Your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Now I understand that I can't "make" Psalms 23 all about what I have gone through this year, and use it out of context. But I can take what David says in Psalms 23 and apply it to my life when it absolutely sucks!!

I can remind myself that God is my Shepherd, He is the one who leads and takes cares of me. Not a pastor, not my employer, not a position or title!

I can have peace in the fact that God leads me beside quiet waters and He refreshes my soul...not how many twitter followers I have or the dollars in my bank account!!

I can know that God is with me, even when thoughts of ending my life creep in my head...even when I walk through the darkest valley in my 33 years of life...I don't have to fear any evil, because the one who made the heavens and stars and mountains and chocolate...He. Is. With. Me!!

I can know that when I mess up and continue to sin, God's rod and staff of discipline and love they comfort me.

I can know that I have certain God-given gifts and certain God-given callings on my life, and even though I might not be operating in them full time right now, I can rest assured that God is preparing a table before me, in the presence of those who think other wise. That God has anointed my head with the oil of His calling...a calling that He hasn't taken away...and my cup overflows in that calling, even though I don't see it yet!!!

And I can hold onto the truth that God's goodness and love will follow me ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE and I will in fact dwell in the house of the Lord forever! And how do I know this, because He is with me...so I don't need to fear!

I don't need to fear what others say about me,

I don't need to fear whether or not I failed as a pastor

I don't need to fear how God views or thinks about me.

If 2013 was nothing but a blessing for you, I pray that your blessings increase in 2014.

But if 2013 was for you like it was for me...or perhaps worse, I pray that Psalms 23 can be for you what it was for me. My prayer is that you don't give up...you fight against the lies and evil thoughts that don't come from God but from the evil one, satan!

So yes, Happy New Year and God bless you, your family, and your dreams!!