A Journey

The last 5 years have been a journey.

4 different careers...

3 different houses...

2 different states...

1 main constant...

The picture below shows us in the beginning of this journey. When the journey was not wanted, when the journey did not make sense, when the journey just plan hurt.

Behind that fake smile of mine was a lot of pain, confusion, and anger. My shoulders are pulled and shrugged into my chest...I was beat down. My head is lowered some, a sign of submission. And I didn't noticed this at first, but I'm standing (hiding) behind my wife...I was unsure and scared. My eyes are squinted (maybe due to the sun) but nonetheless, my vision is off.

I weighed the most I have ever weighed in my life...

238 pounds.

I was lost, both mentally and spiritually.

I had lost confidence, in myself and in God.

The only strong point were the four other people in the picture. Their smiles were genuine. They were actually happy. They had no idea the journey we were about to embark on though.

When this picture was taken I was working for a company that tested my strengths and exposed my weaknesses. We were attending a church that stretched my theology and my understanding of God's word.

My relationship with God was non-exsistant. Not on God's doing, but I just didn't want one to be honest!!

My prayers were filled with rage...when I did pray.

They were mostly complaints. Why I don't have this? What did this happen? Why am I so miserable? YOU DID THIS TO ME!!!

Fast forward to October of 2017

This is no fake smile. I'm standing straight up, my backbone has been restored. My head is held high, I'm confident once again. I'm standing next to my wife in solidarity. I weigh 218 pounds and in the best shape since 2005. My eyes are wide open, I know where I'm going!!

My blogs since June of 2013 reveal my mindset...

This blog is to reveal what I have learned from that journey.

Philippians 3: 12-14

12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Even though I'm still learning, the past 5 years have been life changing. I'm forgetting all the hurt, pain, and anger that ruled over me and pressing...straining toward what is ahead.

My relationship with God is beginning to look and feel familiar again...not because God stopped, but because I chose to stop.

God is a big God. He's not surprised by our circumstances or problems. He's not embarrassed of us. He's not afraid of our honesty.

He never leaves us or forsakes us...it's the other way around! We are the ones that walk away from Him. He loves us so much, when we walk away, He follows us. And when we finally decide to turn around, He meets us. Face to face!

That smile in the 2nd picture is evidence of this. It's a healthy smile.

A lot of people say that Simone and I look younger in the 2nd picture...when in all actuality, we are 5 years older.

I say it's God's grace...

His provision...

His favor...

What a journey!!

Blessings and Junk

How can grass be a blessing?

Especially during the summer in Southern Louisiana when you have to cut it in the scorching heat and twice a week at that!

I see a blessing.

I see friendship.

I see the church (not bricks and mortar) but the body of Christ.

What do I mean by that?

Last week someone decided to steal our lawnmower and weed eater.

This came at a time when God was dealing with me in some major ways.

God was dealing with some feelings, emotions, and some rebellion in me. He was calling me back to Him and telling me to be content, obedient, and to reconcile some relationships. 

I decided (through a very wise man) to obey God and reconciled some relationships. It felt like a huge weight was lifted from my chest.

God also brought some revelation as it relates to my previous employment.  It had to do with idols and me placing a position in a place that was only suited for God.

All this cool stuff happening and then someone steals our stuff. I immediately began to think how much it was going to cost to replace the equipment. I could feel the tension of the moment building!

We are about to go on vacation, a much needed and anticipated vacation. So we might have to take the money we were saving for vacation and use it to buy lawn equipment.

Until the blessings came.

Until people...friends...brothers and sisters who gave from their hearts, stepped up and provided us with equipment. Equipment that was newer and better than what we previously had!

So when you look at the picture of our lawn, think about how you are blessed.

Blessed to have a lawn to cut. Blessed to have money to buy equipment to cut that lawn.

Blessed that we have a Father that provides and meets us where we are in life.

So count your blessings and use them to glory God. Use them to point to the good news in the Gospel. Use them as light that shines bright in the face of darkness!

May God bless you in your time of need. May God shine his love and grace and mercy in times of confusion and desperation and hate!

What do we talk about when we talk about Rob Bell?

 Heretic!

Heathen!

Wolf in Sheep’s clothing!

Is this what we talk about when we talk about Rob Bell?

In case you have never heard of the man, Rob Bell is the author of some pretty controversial, provocative, and thought provoking books.

Book titles like:

Velvet Elvis

Jesus Came to Save Christians

Sex God

Love Wins

What We Talk About When We Talk About God?

All books I have in my library (which looks like child’s play compared to many others), all books I have personally read.

Rob Bell was also the pastor of Mars Hill Bible Church in Michigan and the writer and narrator of a series of spiritual short films titled NOOMA.

Rob Bell has done great things in the name of the Kingdom of God!

He questioned beliefs that many of us hold onto so tightly today!

He challenged all of our sacred cows (and by that I mean theology that we KNOW is true and right…sarcasm on the KNOW)!

But lately, however, Bell has come out in “support” of same sex marriage, where he was quoted saying:

"I am for fidelity. I am for love, whether it's a man and a woman, a woman and a woman, a man and a man. I think the ship has sailed and I think that the church needs to just … this is the world that we are living in and we need to affirm people wherever they are,"

I have struggled with this since reading it all last week. It is clear in the Bible that marriage is God established (Genesis & Ephesians just to name a couple) to be between 1 man and 1 woman. Science proves that procreation can only happen between 1 man and 1 woman.

So what is Bell trying to say here?

That we need to condone sin?

That we should “give in” to the pressure of culture…because that ship has sailed?

That we need to take sound doctrine and truth, throwing them out with the bath water?

WHAT DO WE DO WITH IT?

Call him crazy and move on with our “perfect” Christian lives? I think when we do that, we are ignoring the tension that has been created.

Do we take to social media and the web and blast the name Rob Bell? I think when we do that we are acting nothing like Jesus!

So, what do we do?

I think we treat Rob the way God treats Rob…with love and grace and mercy and patience.

But that seems impossible, doesn’t it? When you read passages of scripture like Galatians 1: 6-10 and 2 Timothy 4: 3-4…

We are quick to judge. False Gospel, sound doctrine!!

When we are driving our children around and someone cuts us off, we are quick to give them a piece of our horn…or yet our mind…maybe even let them know they are number one with our middle finger…

When we know of a family member or a friend who needs a hand up, not a hand out, and we do nothing for them…because we know it will be hard and messy and time consuming…

When we treat friends and family like material belongings, just because we can, and fail to admit our mistakes and shortcomings…

When we let grudges and beef continue to go on for days and weeks and months without resolving them, because we are afraid to look in the mirror and admit we may have blood on our hands…

What type of Gospel is that? It’s not the Gospel of Jesus, that’s for sure!

What about when we go to church just to consume and for the 6 other days out of the week, we don’t utter Jesus’ name one bit. We don’t even serve our own spouse or children, but we sure as hell serve on the coffee team at church…

What about when we trust in our 401K or our retirement IRA more than we trust in God’s word, His true and Holy Bible that he will provide for us…

What about when we take scripture and twist it and turn it to strong arm people to believe in our points and our agendas and OUR doctrines…

Is that any better or worse than what people are attacking Rob Bell for?

You may be saying…But Grant, I do hold restraint when someone cuts me off while I’m driving. I do meet the needs of as many friends as I can. I try to “man up” to my mistakes. I do serve my church and my family to the best of my ability. I don’t have a retirement plan, so I am trusting God will take care of me. And I always take scripture into context.

To you I say what Jesus said in John 8:7…

Throw the first stone!

Just because we don’t have the platform Bell has, doesn’t make ANY of us better or less of a sinner than Bell is!

It’s in situations and times like this we need to show the love of God in ways that doesn’t make any damn sense whatsoever to a person who has never felt Gods’ love!!

It’s in times like this we need to be on our knees praying for our brothers and sisters instead of praying for our own gains, our own agendas!

It’s in times and situations like this we need to be the church…the inclusive church…

It’s in times like this we need to run to Jesus and ask for wisdom and patience and love in the midst of the tension.

Maybe after reading this someone will call me a heretic, heathen, wolf in sheep’s clothing.

To you, I invite you to listen and think on the song “Fear” by Lecrae on his album Anomaly.

I wish I...

I wish I was little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good
I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat And a six four impala.

If you are around my age (34) you know that song really well. But how many times have we uttered the same words?

I wish I was a little bit taller...
I wish I had a lot of money...
I wish I was debt free...
I wish I has someone who loved me...

I have a wish to.

I wish I loved Jesus more.

Because if I loved Jesus more, my life would be different. I wouldn't take lightly what He did on the cross.

I wouldn't trample on the blood He shed on the cross by sinning over and over and over.

I would live in accordance with Romans 12.

That's it!

No deep theological blog. No thought provoking, dicussion making post. Just the honest, transparent truth of where I am!

Peace!

Get Out of Bed!!

It is so hard for me to get out of bed sometimes.

Especially when it is cold outside and my bed is warm and comfortable.

On Monday mornings…I long to be able to sleep late again!

On the weekends, when I am trying to sleep in, the kids come barging in yelling for me to get out of bed. They want to play, they want to do something, they want some of daddy’s world famous eggs (okay, maybe not world famous, but good).

There is this connection to me and my bed and most of the time I don’t want to break that connection.

Let me change gears…

This past Sunday we were visiting a friend’s church and he told us about a conversation he had with his worship pastor one day when the ministry was rough and overwhelming. He was describing his pain and feelings of failing as a leader. The worship pastor then told him…

Get out of bed!

I know that was a word for him during the rough times of ministry, but I also feel like it was a word for me as my friend spoke them during church this Sunday.

I also have labeled myself a failed leader, and as much as I would like to say that I am healed, I would be lying to myself, friends, and family if I walked around saying that I was healed from my pain.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel like a failed leader. It’s something I have been struggling with for 11 months!

But as I am learning to let God heal my heart…I can hear a faint and gentle whisper saying “get out of bed”.

What do I mean by that?

For the last 11 months, every morning my body gets out of bed, but emotionally, spiritually, and sometimes mentally…I stay in bed.

I go through all the motions of the day, the weeks, the months…

But I don’t get out of bed.  

Yeah, I’m in conversation with people,

Yeah, I’m working,

Yeah, I’m doing stuff…

But a part of me is still lying in bed! 

This week my goal was to get out of bed…all of me! The me that God created! The me that is engaged with God as I live my life minute by minute and hour by hour.

I wish I can say that I have been successful every day, but I am now aware, I am now intentional about making sure that I am present…in the present.

Because the past is a memory, the future isn’t guaranteed…what is guaranteed is God’s present, His presence for us here and now.

So, what part of you is staying in bed?

What part of you needs to get out of bed?

I pray that God meets you exactly where you are and His grace and mercy envelops you and gives you the strength to get out of bed!!  

Continue to pray for me, that I remain intentional about being in God’s presence constantly, and move forward to whatever God has in store for me and my family. 

Shalom!

Happy New Year

Boy, you can say that again!!

I can't wait for 2014!

2013 has been the craziest out of my 33 years on this earth. I am looking forward to putting this year behind me!!

Although there were some bright times in 2013 like January 17th (Lilly's birth), July 12th (10 year anniversary) & November 1st (Day I started my new career)...2013 has been one dark cloud that refused to leave my side.

A dark cloud of stress, depression, anger, resentment, low self-esteem, bitterness...and the list can go on and on and on!!!

Normally when you reflect on the past year, you feel a sense of accomplishment. Sometimes you don't want the year to end...because it has been a year of fond memories.

When I reflect...I don't have memories, I have nightmares!!

So many things were said to me and about me that had me questioning my worth...

In God's eyes,

My family's eyes,

My friend's eyes,

My leader's eye...

In my own eyes!

In 2013 I hit a low that I never foresaw. A low filled with raw anger. A low filled with unmeasurable depression. A low that was so low I really thought about ending it all (wasn't a long thought...but nonetheless, a thought).

Through this "process" which I am still in the midst of...out of all the chapters in the Bible, I held onto one in particular.

Psalms 23.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely Your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Now I understand that I can't "make" Psalms 23 all about what I have gone through this year, and use it out of context. But I can take what David says in Psalms 23 and apply it to my life when it absolutely sucks!!

I can remind myself that God is my Shepherd, He is the one who leads and takes cares of me. Not a pastor, not my employer, not a position or title!

I can have peace in the fact that God leads me beside quiet waters and He refreshes my soul...not how many twitter followers I have or the dollars in my bank account!!

I can know that God is with me, even when thoughts of ending my life creep in my head...even when I walk through the darkest valley in my 33 years of life...I don't have to fear any evil, because the one who made the heavens and stars and mountains and chocolate...He. Is. With. Me!!

I can know that when I mess up and continue to sin, God's rod and staff of discipline and love they comfort me.

I can know that I have certain God-given gifts and certain God-given callings on my life, and even though I might not be operating in them full time right now, I can rest assured that God is preparing a table before me, in the presence of those who think other wise. That God has anointed my head with the oil of His calling...a calling that He hasn't taken away...and my cup overflows in that calling, even though I don't see it yet!!!

And I can hold onto the truth that God's goodness and love will follow me ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE and I will in fact dwell in the house of the Lord forever! And how do I know this, because He is with me...so I don't need to fear!

I don't need to fear what others say about me,

I don't need to fear whether or not I failed as a pastor

I don't need to fear how God views or thinks about me.

If 2013 was nothing but a blessing for you, I pray that your blessings increase in 2014.

But if 2013 was for you like it was for me...or perhaps worse, I pray that Psalms 23 can be for you what it was for me. My prayer is that you don't give up...you fight against the lies and evil thoughts that don't come from God but from the evil one, satan!

So yes, Happy New Year and God bless you, your family, and your dreams!!

How are you doing?

I get asked that a lot!

So let me paint this picture for you...

For the last 5 months I haven't read a book.

Haven't picked up my Bible.

Haven't really prayed.

Haven't done much of anything...except let my circumstances drain my life!

In a way, you can say I lost my way!

But thankfully, my relationship with God is built on Him, not my circumstance,

Not what house I live in,

Not who signs my paychecks...

But on Jesus!

Even though I may have lost my way, God never lost sight of me!

So, back to this question, a question that I have hated...no abhorred, for the last year!!

How are you doing?

If you know me well enough, you know why I abhor this question, so I won't go into that. Matter of fact I think I talked about it in one of my recent blogs. But just today I read this question in a book that I am working through called "To Live is Christ, to Die is Gain", by Matt Chandler. He poses this question at the end of chapter 2, which is fittingly titled "The Worthy Life".

But first, here is a snipit of chapter 2:

"To live is Christ, to die is gain. Christ is all. Looking at it that way, the implication becomes simple. Not easy. But simple. If a mature Christian life, or a life worthy of the gospel of Jesus Christ, is a life where you are living deeply with others, regardless of external differences, if you strive for a deeper faith and grow in your faith together, pressing into Christ together, chasing Him together, and if it is fearlessness in faith...how are you doing"?

So that is the context for Matt Chandler asking the question...here are his thoughts after asking the question:

"Are you living a life worthy of the gospel of Jesus Christ? Have you found Christ worth living for, worth dying for, worth casting all away for His sake? Examine your own heart. Do you just hang out with people who are like you? Are you timid and fearful when it comes to any opposition to your faith? In the end, are you growing in God, or are you stagnant and cold? Remember, we are talking about what it looks like to be maturing in Christ".

Normally our response to the question "how are you doing" is along the lines of "I'm good". But how different would our answer be if we were looking through the lens of Matt Chandler's thoughts?

Would we still be good?

Do we/are we living in a way that shows what we believe is of supreme worth?

If we are honest with ourselves...have we grown closer to God?

Have we died to stuff like greed and hate and disobedience and let God replace all that junk with his life?

And if I am honest with myself...and we look at that picture that I painted for you in the beginning of all of these confusing thoughts...then I would have to say that am I pretty stagnant right now.

Maybe that is why I abhor the question so much. Because it forces me to examine my heart and see that I have been bathing in the same bath water for 5 STINKING MONTHS!!!!

Maybe I have been asked that question a lot lately because God sees where I am (it's getting better, but I'm still not in a good place)...but He also sees me for who he created me to be...

and where I will be when he heals me?? 

So...

I ask you the same question.

How are you doing?  

But this time, answer it honestly and reflect on Matt Chandler's thoughts...then read the book of Phillipians...it's only 4 chapters!!